My Partner Had an Affair Years Ago. Why Can't I Let It Go?

If your partner had an affair that you found out about, you're probably devastated. All sorts of thoughts can go running through your mind:


  • Does he still love me?
  • Did I do something wrong?
  • How could my partner betray me?
  • How much do I want to know?
  • Why did she do it?
  • Maybe I should have an affair too.
  • Should I tell anyone?


Knowing that your partner had an affair with someone else can be practically impossible to stop thinking about. Years can go by, and you still might be thinking about the affair, fearing that you'll never be able to get over it. But if you can't let it go, you can't move on with your relationship. If your goal is to stay in the marriage, you need to move on. And it's possible to do so. Many marriages survive an affair, but they can't survive if you can't let it go.

At Marlborough House, we understand the challenges couples face when one partner strays. We have a team of highly experienced therapists and professionals who can work with you using the best method to treat your particular problems.

Why Did My Partner Have an Affair?

The most common reasons people have affairs are that they are unsatisfied with their sex lives and that they are unsatisfied emotionally. People also have affairs if they fall out of love with their partner or fall in love with someone else, but those reasons are less common.

Affairs usually happen when there's trouble in the marriage. The underlying cause might be that you and your partner no longer communicate and are no longer compatible. The affair serves as a wake-up call that the marriage is in trouble. Your partner is seeking sex, an emotional connection or love.

Why Can't I Stop Thinking About the Affair?

It's normal to keep thinking about the affair, so don't beat yourself up over it. You felt betrayed, and it's difficult for anyone to move on when that happens. So don't try to block what you're thinking and feeling. You need to experience the feelings to let them finally subside.

If you keep imagining flashbacks of your partner in an affair, you might have unaddressed issues in your marriage, and those constant flashbacks are trying to tell you that you still have work to be done. Maybe your sex life hasn't improved or you're still not emotionally connecting when you communicate. If you don't fix the underlying problems, you probably won't be able to get over the affair.

Why You Can Trust Marlborough House to Help You Get Over Your Partner's Affair

However the affair occurred, the aftermath can be dealt with in less damaging ways with help from a trained professional at Marlborough House Therapy Centre. We can help you deal with the anger you have and help you rid the images that you keep playing in your mind. 

Not all couples have the tools necessary to know how to repair a broken marriage. Our sympathetic professionals, all of whom are qualified and registered therapists, can help you and your partner understand the issues in your marriage and how to fix them.

Start to Enjoy Life Again with Your Partner

Call Marlborough House today at 01823 272227 to arrange a free consultation. You can chat with one of our highly experienced therapists and professionals. We offer services such as counselling, hypnotherapy, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and psychometric testing to help your acquire the self-awareness skills you need to achieve the right balance in your life and to finally be able to move on from what happened in the past.

This article is for general informational purposes only. It should not be used for diagnosing or treating a health problem or disease. It does not replace the advice of your GP or health care provider. You should always consult your GP or health care provider if you are suffering from an illness or injury. Marlborough House Therapy Centre does not assume any responsibility or liability with respect to use of any information contained herein.